everyone is single if you try hard enough
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
