Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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