do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
