Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
It's never too late to be topless.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
