holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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