Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize