Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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