I heard we made out
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
