This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize