i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
