i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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