he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
