Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize