my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
