Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
