Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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