I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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