he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
