So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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