Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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