note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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