is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
