I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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