my phone cant type all the emotion im having
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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