he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Randomize
