i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
