She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
