News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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