is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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