I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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