I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
