I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
