New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
