a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
