I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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