their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
