Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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