Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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