we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
