I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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