What a fucking waste of an outfit
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I met the friendliest cop last night
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
