i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
