but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
