You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
