Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
