this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
