Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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