You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
