I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Randomize
