I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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