I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
