I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
