I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
