Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
