I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
