ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
