Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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