Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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