apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Randomize