I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
