3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
What did we do last night that was yellow?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
