She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
