I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
