My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
