i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Randomize
