Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Dicks are not precious.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
