Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
