Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
