i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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