at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I just gargled with NyQuil
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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