I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
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