Kareoke will never be a sober sport
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
