I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
