So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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