it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
