My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
