I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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