"it" just moved
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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