the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
