Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
