Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
