If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
